i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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