We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
