bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
