My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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