You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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