got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
