I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
