The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
