he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
