Apparently you make a good broom.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
