Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
