I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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