Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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