The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
