I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My breasts were aching with rage.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
