god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
God, I missed his penis.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
