Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize