So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
