My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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