I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
