You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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