I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
