i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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