I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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