remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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