hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
id be glad to
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
