but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
