don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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