this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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