Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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