mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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