Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i've created a new STD.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
