I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
