im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
