You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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