the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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