in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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