Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
