he shaved USA in his pubs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
