similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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