I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize