This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize