I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
