If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
