I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
