he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
