We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
