yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
