U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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