As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
