Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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