I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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