No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
