i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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