I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
