dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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