I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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