She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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