haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
