just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
