yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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