My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Girls should come with a carfax report
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
