this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
