I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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