windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
