I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
