dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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