Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
