She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
