Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
